Ringing Out 2014: A Photo Montage

In a break with a long family tradition, I did not send out a Christmas letter or a Christmas card this year. I do not think I sent them out last year either. It has not been a priority. I blogged intermittently: too much real life happening here. 

When I spied this link up,  however, I figured I would do that.This was the year our older son graduated from high school and we launched him into college, and the year our younger son switched high schools. 

We all traveled a lot this year; my husband went as far west as Portland, Oregon  and our older son spent two weeks in Valencia, Spain. I spent time this year in Virginia, Vermont, Indiana, Florida, North Carolina, Massachusetts, Texas and New York. 

Midway through the year, I lost a treasured spiritual guide. 

I joined Weight Watchers, our parish choir (with our younger son) and finished a half marathon, (with my husband). When I was culling through photos to mark our year, I realized most of my fondest memories come  from right here in central New Jersey. 

Happy new year to my friends old and new. 

 "Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,

The flying cloud, the frosty light.

The year is dying in the night;

Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.

The year is dying in the night;

Ring out, wild bells, and let him die."

Feast of the Holy Family: Preaching To This Mother's Heart

On the Feast of the Holy Family, our perfectly imperfect family found ourselves at the church where Greg and I were married 21 autumns ago - the  Sacred Heart Cathedral in downtown Raleigh, NC.

We did not plan to be there on that day in particular. Nor did the celebrant, Father Justin Kerber, C.P. write his homily with me in mind.

Praying for Healing for Terrorism's Survivors

Ever since September 11, 2001, I have had an intermittent nightmare. It goes like this: Greg have been together for years. In some dreams, like last night's, we've been raising our boys together. But in every nightmare he Just. Won't. Marry. Me. In the dream, I am caught between longing to stay with him anyway and wondering what my life would be like with him gone. 

A trauma therapist told me years ago my dream is about loss and about the fragility of life. 
I always wake up from it anxious. And sometimes, I wake up sobbing. 

I nearly lost my husband but I did not lose my husband. 

After a Half Marathon Walk: Mulling What Matters

The meaning I am finding in the life I've been given isn't going to come from extravagant gestures. It comes, the way grace comes, every day, step by step, ordinary moment by ordinary moment. That is the lesson I learned over the weekend, when my husband and I participated in a half marathon in San Antonio, Texas.

We had trained for this race for months, spending our Saturday and Sunday mornings together, walking and running through parks by the river in our neighborhood. The plan was to meet up with dear old friends in San Antonio for the Rock and Roll series' half marathon. My friend Meredith is a diehard half marathon walker and the weekend was a way to join her and to celebrate her husband's fiftieth birthday. She and her husband, whom we met as engaged couples in Raleigh, NC, are raising their children  outside Indianapolis. They walk much faster than we do and were several corrals ahead of us.

Thunderstorms and Thwarted Plans

 So yeah. This was the view (don't worry, I was at a red light) on the drive home from the gym tonight. This was a day when everything I planned went out the window.

Solace at the Shore

My husband has a high-stress, high profile job and is recognizing that he takes very little time to care for himself. As he puts it, he needs time for solace.  This weekend he proposed we - just us two - go to Mass at 7 a.m. and then drive with our dog to the Asbury Park Dog Run Beach. So we did.

Odysseus' Lack of Contrition and a Class Full of Disapproving Teens

Bartholomäus Spranger - Odysseus and Circe

Statistics tell a troubling tale: the current rate of divorce in the United States is 50 percent. Ten percent of the population is divorced. Forty percent of people who divorce have children. Forty-one percent of married people say they have had an affair. One could even say broken marriage and cheating spouses are "normal." One would think today's teenagers are unfazed by adultery.

And so I was struck the other day, as my public high school class of reluctant readers and writers  finished reading The Odyssey, that, to a student, they were outraged by the hero's infidelities to his loyal wife, Penelope.

This Week, the Future Showed Up

When the gearshift pulled up and into his hand, my husband realized it was time to junk our 21-year-old car. The Saturn we bought as newlyweds had about 232,000 miles on the speedometer - six years ago when the speedometer broke. It has no horn, no ceiling upholstery, no working gas gauge and so on.  Since New Jersey only checks emissions on cars now, it did pass inspection recently.

After a long winter that felt as if everything was stalled, life is moving at a fast pace.

Easter Afternoon in Helyar Woods

My husband and I hadn't been to Helyar Woods together in years. I remember going with our sons when our puggle was a puppy; Greg doesn't remember the last time we walked the woods together and neither do I.

This 43-acre patch of old growth forest sits hard against U.S. Route One in New Brunswick, New Jersey. Easter afternoon seemed the right time to wander these trails.

On MiniGolf and Mystery

Tonight found me in an unlikely-for-me place: a glow-in-the dark indoor miniature golf course in a strip shopping mall off a state highway.

I proposed the location for a Saturday night date with my husband and he agreed. While we waited our turn at mini-golf, we played skee-ball and a few rounds of Hoop Fever.

We had a great time. Our teen sons would be grateful they had not come along since while we played - me cheating and my husband diligently marking his own score with a glow-in-the-dark pencil - I was singing and dancing to the 1970s music that blared through out the facility.

Twenty Years In: What Marriage Looks Like

All the wealth in the world cannot be compared with the happiness of living together happily united.

Blessed Margaret d’Youville

A Saturn sedan with no working horn, odometer, gas gauge or ceiling upholstery, sits in our driveway, It's as old as our marriage and not faring nearly as well.  Twenty years ago today, I married the man of my dreams.  A family member asked us at the end of our reception: "Are you sad this is all over?" Greg and I both responded at the same time: "It's not over. It's just starting!"

I cherish the life we have made together. Still, it's not all chocolates and flowers. Sometimes I feel as worn out as that car of ours.

Tenured Today!

After three years and a day of teaching public school in New Jersey, I am tenured. To celebrate, my colleagues made a tenure tunnel for me and the two colleagues who had also  earned tenure. Tonight, Greg took me out for a seafood dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, The Barge in Perth Amboy. 

Six Mile Run and the Seasons of Marriage

As anyone who has been married for a while knows, marriage has seasons: the early years, the years with babies and toddlers, and so on. Right now, my husband and I have two teenaged boys and no travel soccer on our family calendar any more. This means our weekends are wide open.

Tonight: Palm Beach Lake Trail

Tonight's walk. The photo doesn't begin to capture the beauty of this walk, called Palm Beach Lake Trail, along Lake Worth Lagoon in Palm Beach, Florida. 

Tonight, my husband and I were among the few walkers/runners/cyclists on this four-mile stretch of flat pavement that weaves between Palm Beach Lake to the west and mansions hidden behind enormous hedges to the east. It was mostly us and the salamanders. I'd like to return on another visit to Florida and do the whole 8 miles round trip.

Theme Thursday: Faith

Brothers and sisters:
Faith is the realization of what is hoped for
and evidence of things not seen. 

Hebrews, Chapter 11

My husband is a faithful man. No, you're not going to find him at a Knights of Columbus meeting, or at daily Mass or at a hospital bringing the Eucharist to patients. That is the way many men live out their faith beyond their Sunday Mass obligations. 

Instead, you will find my husband for three and a half hours every Wednesday night this summer in an un-air-conditioned high school gym, coaching basketball. Sometimes, when the paid referees don't show up, you'll find him both coaching and refereeing games against leagues in other towns. You will find him spending three hours Sunday afternoons leading the boys in practice at a county park. It costs not a dime to participate in the league, which means families of modest means have something to offer their sons during long, hot summers. 

A few years ago, Greg volunteered to found this summer basketball league for middle school boys. The league has grown to more than 40 participants this summer. My husband still largely is the only adult involved. The boys he coaches, pictured above in purple tee-shirts, are from a wide range of family backgrounds. What they share with my husband is the love of the game. 

What are the "things not seen" in this picture? The difference Greg will make in these young men's lives and the difference they already are making in his. That's why this is a picture of faith. 

Linking up with Cari.

a beautiful postscript: Last night, at the last game of the summer season, a coach from a neighboring town gave Greg a piece of artwork: a carved-out globe depicting the Manhattan skyline prior to Sept. 11, 2001. The globe was made from rubble from the attacks. The coach had no idea Greg is a survivor of the attacks.

At Mohonk: Thinking About Fitness and the Inexhaustibility of Human Desire

This summer, I've been determined to get fit. Given my excess weight, I see my battle as a life-or-death struggle to stay healthy for my husband and our sons. In addition to swimming 30 minutes a day, I've been strength training with the help of a personal trainer and spending an hour a day on the treadmill, trying my best to increase the pace and incline of  the treadmill. This morning, on a hike in New Paltz, New York, I was reminded, once again, that whatever endeavor we humans undertake, nothing but the Infinite will satisfy us. 

This Moment: Mohonk Mountain House

To celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary, Greg and I are spending time at Mohonk Mountain House., a resort in the Hudson Valley of New York State that dates from the late 19th century. Here, Greg checks out the view from our room as we arrive.

And, in case you are wondering, here is our view...

Share or find more moments at www.soulemama.com

Five Favorites: Our Boys, My Man, Weight Loss and Good Red Wine

1. This boy. Our new high-school student. We're spending the week together at home after we spent a few days traveling together. He said he likes hanging with me. Imagine. Doesn't feel like calling any friends right now. He's reading books, playing video games, playing his trumpet, shooting hoops, and swimming with me. Oh, and telling me lots of jokes - in his deadpan style. Here are the two latest.

Opening Our Hearts to Our Enemies. Now.

We live in divisive times. Sometimes, that grieves me.

 How do we reconcile these two perspectives? Can we? A homily I heard yesterday gave me hope.

How to Spend Fourteen Hours in Philly with the Hubster

I truly do not remember the last time my husband and I went away overnight without our sons. But when my husband realized that last night Gabriel would be on his way to London and Lucas would be at his best friend's house for a sleepover, he suggested a night in Center City, Philadelphia.

A friend who lives and works in Philadelphia suggested we stay at the luxurious Lowes Philadelphia Hotel, which is about a block from the Reading Terminal Market. The hotel is also known as the  Philadelphia Fund Society Building and it's a national historic landmark. It was my first visit to the market, a farmer's market  that has been in operation for more than a century. Greg was delighted to find corn that had been picked this morning!

Here are some snapshots from our getaway; it lasted just 14 hours because we had to leave early  to get Lucas to an 11 a.m. Mass and to prepare for a family gathering in our backyard to celebrate his finishing middle school. But we ordered room service for dinner and bought lots of produce this morning after breakfast at the Down Home Diner!