Ever since September 11, 2001, I have had an intermittent nightmare. It goes like this: Greg have been together for years. In some dreams, like last night's, we've been raising our boys together. But in every nightmare he Just. Won't. Marry. Me. In the dream, I am caught between longing to stay with him anyway and wondering what my life would be like with him gone.
A trauma therapist told me years ago my dream is about loss and about the fragility of life.
I always wake up from it anxious. And sometimes, I wake up sobbing.
I nearly lost my husband but I did not lose my husband.
A photograph I saw on the web earlier this week of a woman prompted this nightmare. She had been held hostage and she was hugging police after escaping the Lindt Chocolate cafe in Sydney.
Based on our family's experiences, she will need a tremendous amount of support and love to live through her experiences. PTSD will a "help" because one does not have to process each aspect of the trauma at one time. It protects our souls. One revisits the trauma in pieces, which can aid healing if the survivor has access to the proper therapists and spiritual guides.
Please please pray for those who lost and are continuing to lose their loved ones to terrorists. They need healing and all the love we can muster. And if you don't mind, remember that survivors do carry invisible scars.
It was not an easy day but during breakfast with my husband and our sons, I ate some pomegranate and considered how, once I return to the mystery from which I was summoned, I want to thank the One who made me for inventing that fruit.
Later, I laid down for a nap and listened to my midday prayers on my iPhone. The hymn began like this:
"O quickly come, great Judge of all.
For glorious will Your Coming be.
All shadows from the truth will fall.
O Come and heal that we may see.
O quickly come!
For doubt and fear Dissolve like cloud when You are near."