Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Back to School: God's Mercy and My Anxiety
This morning, I woke up from a dream, a nightmare really. I was walking and I was trying to run and I just couldn't figure out how. At one point, I was late getting someplace too, and then, I thought two ominous-looking men were following me. I just could not figure out how to run.
Now, I'm not the most creative of dreamers. When I woke, I knew right away what the anxiety-filled dream was about. First, this dream happened the night before I started back from to school after a long and happy summer. Clearly I was anxious about the transition: can I keep up with the challenges of teaching high school students, driving 40 minutes each way to work, overseeing our sons' homework, carpooling them all over the state to orchestra rehearsals, soccer games and cyclocross races while managing a household and trying to carve out time to enjoy my husband?
Second, I have spent the past few months walking for exercise and am considering interspersing a bit of running into my routine. I worry I am too old and heavy to run.
Before I got out of bed this morning, I prayed my Liturgy of the Hours. Each day's readings have an introduction by Monseigneur Luigi Giussani, founder of the Communion and Liberation movement. What struck me is that his words for Tuesday spoke of walking.
"On Tuesday, after his first steps, man realizes that the journey is a trial...We need to proceed, keeping watch, without fear of being distracted or fragile, because He treats us with mercy, He is 'forebearing not wishing that anyone should perish' - it is never too late to start again."